Charlie Bit Me

Hey Old Chaps, how goes it? I went to a bar last night in London to watch the London Arsenal (home team in red) vs. Villareal (away team in yellow-not a fan favorite in the bar). And what shirt does the stupid American wear- Drumroll please- his big fat nothing on it but Yellow shirt. Needless to say the Londoners were not thrilled. The cute bartender, however, was giving me the sexy eye. Naturally, I was pumped and getting ready for my first encounter with a woman of foriegn nature. I've always had a thing for accents, and who doesn't? I knew my mysterious foriegn mystique was probably driving her wild inside. "An American", she was saying to herself. "They're so suave and manly. Oh, my, look at his great big American beard and his gorgeous American smile. I wish he would make an American preemptive attack on my body." She didn't have to say it out loud. I could feel it. I made it to the front, put my hand on the bar, and before I was able to sneak in my subtle, but smooth pick up line ('Has anybody ever told you I look like Elvis?') she looked at my big fat yellow shirt, smiled, looked at the t.v. with the opposing team's big fat yellow jerseys, laughed a little bit, and asked me what I wanted. Tail tucked between my legs, I needed a major comeback like Eddie Murphy after Dr. Doolittle. I knew what I had to do. Order the manliest beer I could find on the tap- The Early Bird. Early Bird? That was the manliest beer I could find? That was certainly not the message I was trying to portray (interpret that as you may). It just came out. I got nervous and choked. After laughing at me once again, but trying to hold it in a little (I'm guessing as a courtesy), she poured my beer and walked away. Next time foriegn girl, next time, I will have you. I'm a little wiser now, and you stand no chance. I'm going out tonight. What do you guys think?- Maybe my American Flag T-shirt?

In other news, I saw the Rosetta Stone today at the British Museum. Pretty cool learning about something so important many years ago and then actually seeing it in person. If you don't know what it is, look it up. I could tell you, but you wouldn't remember.

Outside the museum there were two British brothers. One was a toddler in a stroller and the other maybe 5 or 6. The older of the two stuck his finger in the younger's mouth (an activity my brother-I won't name names, but lets just say the dyslexics like to call him Neb- was quite fond doing as a youngser as well). Anywho, the toddler promptly bit (what else is he supposed to do?- See that, Neb, it wasn't weird when I bit you, it was natural. Anyways, that was just a phase). The older kid screamed. If you haven't youtubed- Charlie Bit Me- please do, so you can understand what the hell I'm talking about. It was hilarious. Almost a perfect reproduction. I almost took my camera out to record the incident, but much like the career of Hanson, it came, it was glorious for a short time, then it went like my beautiful romance with the British bartender. I also didn't want to get punched by some dad thinking I was video-taping his two small boys. Because in some situations, that's just weird. Much love,

J

p.s.- Chim chimaney, chim chimaney, chim chim charoo.- I figured I'm in England so any Mary Poppins reference is fair game.